Phuket

Phuket

This past week Dan and I ventured out of Chiang Mai for the first time in three months, to Phuket, a city a bit more well-known. When imagining Thailand, I (like most people) had always pictured picturesque beaches with transparent turquoise water, white sand and long wooden boats. Phuket is definitely the place to see this. However, you have to venture to the nearby islands to see the really beautiful beaches (and endure an hour of a potentially vomit-inducing boat ride to get there).

There is much more to Phuket than just the beaches. There are many different parts of Phuket Island. Dan and I chose to stay in Patong to be in the center of the action. Patong is by far the most touristy place I have ever visited. Most of the tourists seemed to hail from Russia, Australia and other parts of Europe. In fact, the only Thai people I spotted in the city were the ones working in the tourism industry.

In the center of Patong lies Bangla Road. Bangla Road is home to the nightlife that Thailand is famous for. Imagine a road closed off to cars after dark, littered with drunken tourists, bars, nightclubs, half-naked pole dancers, and ladyboys (some flamboyant, and some in disguise). Now, throw in some Thai people trying to sell you pictures with giant, heavily-sedated reptiles and miniature monkeys, and more Thai people pushing signs into your face advertising ping-pong and "sexy lady" shows. 

"What is a ping-pong show?" you might ask. Or perhaps I was the only one completely oblivious to the existence of ping-pong shows before visiting Phuket. Apparently if you've seen the movie Hangover II, you know what this is (I haven't seen this movie). If you're not sure what a ping-pong show is, switch on your dirtiest mind and let it wander…and wander some more…and yeah, keep going…I still don't know if you're there yet. If you're curious, google it. Although I am usually enticed by new experiences, Dan and I opted against the ping-pong show because of some of the horror stories we had heard about the sex trade and treatment of the women performing the shows.

These are some of the options of shows we could choose from:

As would be expected from any tourist destination the price of things was quadruple the price in Chiang Mai. Okay, I'll admit $5-8 for a meal is still a good price, but Dan and I took it upon ourselves to try to avoid the tourist trap and venture around until we found a restaurant where Thai people were eating. That restaurant happened to be in the parking garage at the local mall, so most of our lunches were spent alongside mall employees.

Alongside Bangla Road are tons of markets selling your typical clothing, souvenirs, and accessories. One afternoon I thought that it might be a good idea to search for sundresses in the local market. The moment I walked into the market, the vendors immediately latched onto me and began pestering. As I browsed their shops, and they followed just inches behind me, the dialogue went something like this:

Vendor: "Hello. Where you from?"

Me: "Sawadeeka." My eyes scan the sundresses.

Vendor: "You like dress. I get for you."

I wonder what dress they are talking about because I have not yet expressed interest in any of the dresses.

Me: "Mai, kop khun ka." (No, thank you.)

The vendor reaches for a dress and takes it off the rack to show to me.

Me: "Mai, kop khun ka." (No, thank you.) "I can look by myself."

Vendor: "No like? Try this one." Vendor proceeds to grab a different dress off the wall and put directly in front of me.

Me: "Mai, kop khun ka.." (No, thank you.) "I will look alone"

Vendor: "I know! This one for you. I give you. 700 baht. Here you go…" The vendor goes to the corner to grab a plastic bag.

Me: "Mai, kop khun ka." (No, thank you.)

The dialogue continues like that until I eventually manage to maneuver my way out of the shop or I decide to make a purchase (after bargaining them down to about ⅓ of their initial ludicrous price).

Once I asked the woman if I could try the dress on over my clothes, and she replied yes. Before the dress was fully on my body, the women was complimenting it. "Perfect! You beautiful. You buy dress." When I tried to tell her that I didn't like it (for a good reason: it was obviously too big even on top of my jean shorts and t-shirt), she proceeded to yell at me. "One size for all. You try, you buy." I couldn't help but laugh as I walked away…

Visa run
Dan and I knew when planning our trip to Phuket that we would have to squeeze in a visa run. We were approaching our 90 day mark, and our 3 time re-entry tourist visa requires us to leave the country after 90 days for a 60 day extension (We can get a 30 day extension from inside Thailand). The fastest visa run from Phuket is a 4 hour drive and a 30 minute boat ride across the border into Burma. The van service informed us that we'd be picked up at 5:40am, driven to Burma, fed both breakfast and lunch, and be back to our hostel by 6pm. Our driver was an hour late to pick us up, but by being outside at 5:40am I was given the chance to satisfy my extreme desire of people watching, as ladyboys and drunken men stumbled towards their hostels to end their night.

If I disregard the fact that our driver didn't speak a word of English, insisted upon holding onto our passports for a large portion of the journey, and drove as if it were tryouts for the Olympic race car team, I guess I can say that the visa run went smoothly. Luckily, we're only planning to stay in Thailand until early March, so we won't have to do it again!

Some things I learned:

All my life I have looked at young people covered in tattoos and body piercings and wondered what might happen to them when they became older and…well, saggier. I now know the answer. They go to Phuket.

Thai beaches really are as beautiful as the pictures.

Beware of sea urchins. And don't itch microscopic jellyfish bites.

Ladyboys can easily pass as beautiful Thai women. I was unable to tell the difference when I was sober, so I can imagine how easy it might be to make this mistake when drunk.

More streets should be closed off to cars at night. It's pretty great to be able to walk down the center of the street and not have to worry about a car zooming by.

Thai performers struggle with lip-syncing American songs.

All restaurants should have menus like the restaurant below: